Yard Stick of Death

THAT'S THAT

2008-11-05T11:26:00.000-08:00

To Everyone Who (in the past and present) supports The Hideout,
Thank you. Thank you for listening, interacting, and being a part of what I look at as the best part of my life so far. This is not a goodbye, but an update on what is going and my thoughts on what may be happening in the future.

*What happened to The Hideout
El Jefe took a gig on the “Giant Show” on project 9-6-1 in Atlanta. I am happy for him but at the same time it was the first nail in the current Hideout’s coffin. After a couple weeks of being not doing a show because of college football I received a call from CK the PD of WJFK telling me that with the irregularity of schedule and the massive changes in the show that he will no longer carry The Hideout on WJFK. I completely understand the logic and respect him and his decision. CK is the one that gave us a chance and supported the show in everyway possible BUT I do think the show could and would have been fine if given a shot to grow. CK is one of the best PDs in radio for talent and has told me that this isn’t necessarily the end for me at WJFK also that we could look to do something this spring. In my estimation I wouldn’t count on this but it is something I am going to pursue for however long it stays on the table. That is the story for what happened as of late in The Hideout.

*What is and what could be
I am currently a program director in Tampa Bay (The work load is a big factor on why the Hideout wasn’t as focused as it should have been). It’s a good job that my resume really likes. As far as what the future holds for me, It’s really up in the air but I do have a lot of possibilities that could be very entertaining and I hope you give me a shot when that takes hold. In the meantime I will be putting web based shows together to get my aggressions out. As each of these come together I will post them around for the people who would like to have them.

Again thank you for being with me up to this point and as fun as it has been, it is about to get a lot more interesting.

5000,
Dubs

TreeCast 8-30-08

2008-09-02T07:26:00.000-07:00

The Tree House TreeCast 8-15

2008-08-25T21:08:00.000-07:00

It's a Dog Eat Me World

2008-08-05T11:43:00.000-07:00

Now that my finger feels good enough to write a blog in long form here is an Update...

It went from pretty fucking bad to pretty good...

I had a terrible weekend... it started with my roommate saying "hey I don't have rent money" I respond "ummm what do you mean... how much are you short?" she tells me "all of it" ... Son of a fuck... That left me with exactly negative 10 bucks in my account. Seriously, How the fuck do you not know you will not have rent until 2 days before its due... Well that is a dick in the ass of life but OK it is only money and I will live...

So the next morning I am walking my dog and after that lovely beast takes a shit and piss I start walking back to the apartment. I open the door and I hear her dog, Lucy, walking towards me. I tell Lucy to "back off" and in typical dog fashion she says "fuck you, I don't speak your jibberish" and she goes full attack mode on my dog. I stick my hand in to stop this madness and grab the dog.... Mistake #1 - my finger feels the force of dog teeth and blood shoots all of the place even on the ceiling. I start screaming like a new born woman and stick my leg in to kick the dogs apart... Mistake #2 - The teeth sink in to my leg and blood pours into my shoe... at that time my roommate and her friends run in and grab the dogs and throw some first aid on my wounds... The wounds were deep and painful so we head to the Emergency Room... We go to one hospital and wait... and wait.... and wait longer.... then I find I will get NO service NOT even a band aid... The people I was with started to offer me to super glue the wounds (I am not kidding) and other bad advice... so we left their and went to a walk in clinic... I got rushed into there and they cleaned and told me to go to a real doctors office... I said fuck it I have to go do the hideout... as I went through the show I got more and more light headed and decided to go to the doctors... they stitched me up and didn't give me any pain relievers... That is the ONLY good thing about getting hurt and they even fucked that up... What a shit load of fuck...

The Shot Glass is Half Empty

2008-07-29T12:23:00.000-07:00

Ok 10 days 5 and 5 even Steven... But, The bad was really bad.

The reason for the title in this entry is a recent story from my roommate... It was a Wednesday night and I cooked some food for dinner... Nothin fancy but cooking none the less. I ate and cleaned up... after my clean up my roommate came home and we chatted for a little bit while she was putting groceries away. The next day at 5:45 pm (while i was getting ready to do my sports show) my roommate called me ... and she was pissed. She said while i cooked the night before I had knocked a shot glass a friend bought for her on to the ground and broke it into pieces... NOW, I don't remember breaking it... and further more I think that we would of noticed that I broke it while were in the kitchen that night... not 18 hours later. On top of that, We put waaaaaaaay too much value on to things because someone bought it for us... Things are things and people are people. Take your heirlooms and stick em up your cock hole... wearing a bad sweater that your grandma bought you to be polite is fine... being emotional if that piece of shit sweater gets snagged and ruined is dumb.

Orlando Sucks
I took a weekend to go to Orlando and pick up a couch... Jefe was kind enough to give a couch that is in a spare home there... The issue happened when I showed up there and the key didn't work in the deadlock... I don't blame him ... He was kind enough to offer the couch and he wasn't aware of any lock issues... What made the trip suck cock is that mine didn't get sucked... Orlando is a hot sticky mess and I usually can off set that with getting my balls licked... That didn't happen... fuck Orlando

Mock Murder
If I could trick a girl into thinking I am a serial killer I would... Let me rephrase... If I could trick a girl into thinking I am a serial killer, with out ending up in jail, I would... I think it would be a hoot... kinda like candid camera. OK, let me run down my dream scenario ... I would like to get a chick to really want to sleep with me... Tell her how hot it would be if I could tie her up or use cuffs on her... get her all set and then have a friend pop out of the closet... Now we will get into the dialog of the situation.

Cast:
Guy 1 = Me
Guy 2 = My friend
Yappy Bitch = Yappy Bitch (who thinks she is getting murdered)

Guy 1 - The cuffs aren't too tight are they?
Yappy Bitch - No they are fine... This is so hot I can't wait
Guy 1 - Me either... ok she is secured you can come out.
Yappy Bitch - What? Who are you talking to?
Guy 2 walks out of the closet with plastic tarp and a roll of duct tape
Yappy Bitch - Who are you? whats going on here!?!
Guy 1 - Shut your fucking face, we have business to talk about!
Guy 2 starts duct taping tarp up on the walls and windows, much like what is suggested in case of nuclear fall out
Guy 1 - Ok how do you want to do this?
Guy 2 - I wanna chop her foot off and bore out a hole with a drill and fuck her stump
Guy 1 - Not again... lets be original this time
Yappy Bitch - Oh please let me go... I won't tell anyone I swear... Do you want money? My parents are very rich... The will give you any...
Yappy bitch goes silent from a old gray sock being stuffed into her mouth by guy 1
Guy 1 - Are you fucking serious... That is the most hacky plea to live I have ever heard... Ok where were we
Guy 2 - I was telling you I wanted to fuck her stump...
Guy 1 - Why? Lets take a spade shovel to her back and fuck that hole
Guy 2 - Seems a little messy
Guy 1 - More messy than her ankle stump?
Guy 2 - Yea
Guy 1 - ok good point
Guy 2 starts drawing blue cut lines all over yappy bitches body
Guy 1 starts up the hand held carving knife
Guy 2 takes the sock out her mouth
Yappy Bitch starts screaming
Guy 1 and 2 start screaming in a mocking tone at yappy bitch
Guy 1 - Syke... har har we were joshing with ya...
Everyone one has a good laugh and goes to play mini golf

36" in all

Where do I start....

2008-07-09T14:38:00.000-07:00

Its actually been pretty good lately...

12 days... 8 good and 4 bad... so 36" over all

No Cable...
I am completely moved in to my new apartment... Bigger room, more time to myself, and not bad eye candy 1 door down... The one bad thing is no cable... fuck... I have been reduced to watching "Tales From the Crypt" online ... I have fond memories of that show and my memory is where it should of stayed... with an exception to a few episodes that are brilliant (including the pilot) that show sucked a Shaq sized cock... The acting is the only horrifying part of that show, the effects look like an abortion, and that fucking crypt keeper's jokes annoy the piss out of me... I imagine that they crypt keeper is all that is left of Tom Hanks' character in Philadelphia ... Fuck the crypt

Wearing headphones while jacking off...
I hooked up my computer, got the lube out, and punched up my favorite site... Then realized I don't have computer speakers.... Shit.... So i dug up my over sized radio headphones and slapped them on... so there I sit cock in hand and headphones on my ears that are the size of my fists... I looked like a Mongoloid

Those are really the 2 bads the rest was pretty good...

First Time, Long Time

2008-06-18T07:16:00.000-07:00

OK OK OK! I haven't kept my end of the bargain and kept a continuously updated blog on the yardstick of death. So here I go...

When we last visited our hero he was at 34" away from the gun... 20 days have passed... 13 bad 7 good... 28" in all and here is how we got there!

*** Moving... I have been asked to move by Jefe... No time limit, No pressure... but per usual I have to put the pressure on myself... I have been frantically looking and let me give you some of the responses I got from roommates I talked to.

This was from a couple who owned a house near my work -
We are a commited couple of 6yrs, Im 37 the other is 47 we both work full time and have a small west highland terrior puppy. We are to summerize us Bears. We are looking for a clean responsable working guy. The room is small it will need a full size bed as a queen is to large. If you are still interested let me know. Jon
Wow that was tempting... 2 bears... I am sure the noises out of that room would be rivaled only by burning a baby with a butane lighter

This is from a share house near where I live now
being its 330am i figured i shouldn't call but i needed to tell you that our roommate has religious restrictions pertaining to dogs inside the house. you are still more than welcome to come check out the place but an inside dog is out of the question for him, therefore, for us as a household. I appologize for the inconvenience and let me know if you still want to check it/us out.Matt
Seriously???? What religion stops people from having dogs in the house... I think this guy is using god as an excuse to curb his true desire to throat fuck a German Shepard

I think I may have found a place I will expand on that in my next post.

***When you get paid on the 15th of every month and the 15th falls on a Sunday, When should you get your check? Most people would think Friday... but ooooooooooooohhhh no not here! Friday the 13th I look at my bank account and see the balance 20 cents ... that's correct! .2... 2 dimes... 4 nickles... and I go to collect my check and I am told "No we get paid Monday" ... FUCK ... I spent the weekend scraping money off of the floor of my truck... I have severe addiction to caffeine and me not being able to spend 5 bucks on a drink angers me... My weekend sucked a cock... I would of actually done that for a tall monster.

***I got laid! I usually don't write about good stuff but go fuck yourself. It hasn't happened often lately and I think I know why... I am an emotionally disconnected boob... I awkwardly ram my hand down a chicks pants... I have feel my long finger nails creating irreversible damage to her hole... But I rarely care and continue from there to pull my cock out and say "Dig in"... after about 20 min I am back on the road proudly driving back to loneliness.

I shall return!
Dubs

It's a game of inches

2008-05-13T10:52:00.000-07:00

here is your 12 day up date...

7 good

5 bad

sorry everyone that's a net gain of 2 inches.... that puts me at 34" in all

Again I know that you don't want to hear the good so I will give you the bad...

Celeb Rag magazines...

I will start with this, I can not stand US, OK, and other celebrity rag magazine... I think they call them rag magazines because the only people who like them are bleeding twats... That being said I will never date a chick (no matter how hot) if they call that news... I was at the store the other day and this cute teller was reading it and kept blabbering with her friend about the latest rumors... I grew more and more angry as she kept ignoring me and my purchases to jibber jabber with her equally as transparent friend... I held the anger of that corner store for days and threw a penny in a well wishing for her extremist beheading... that was one low light of the week

Blockage....

I don't know if anyone wants to know this but I ran a batch and the completion hurt because my semen was thick and created a traffic jam... I can't even jack off correctly

Bullshit...

Lost on 5-1-08 was fucking bullshit... its one hour a week for 20 some weeks a year... a 100% set up episode when you have that little of time to entertain is horse shit... I watched the whole episode waiting for anything to happen... nothin... not a fuck minute of goodness... that being said the 5-8-08 episode was great.

Gay cat...

We are plagued by a closeted cat at the house... His name is Chuck and he wont come out of the closet.... This cat has so much gay rage and it unloads in short spurts of violence... he clawed the shit out of my 6 or 7 times this week because of his love for cat cock... Come out Chuck you will feel better and I will have less claw marks

I will update again soon
Dubs

Lets do this damn thang

2008-04-27T17:54:00.000-07:00

OK I have fallen behind... some good reasons some bad... I know you don't like the good so I will focus on the bad...

We have 10 days to do in this blog so we will break it down quick
10 days
3 good
7 bad
net total of -4 inches
4 steps closer equals 32"

OK here is the bad stuff
I was really fucking sick for a few days which just makes it tough to have a good day... especially when I do a job in which I have no one to cover for me... I was stuck in a small studio stripping off clothing then piling it back on because of my fever.... and even through my sickness I had to keep a promise to go to a co-workers birthday party... at a fucking club... 10 dollars to get in... I rather pay 10 to have a paper cut put on my pee hole... I HATE CLUBS... full of rapists and deserving prey... Why can't we have a bar that makes sense ... clubs try to make you happy... I am drinking so obviously I am not happy with myself... If I am drinking I want a bar as miserable as I am... We should open "Club Depression" a low lit pub that has nothing but pictures of the Holocaust and Video of caskets coming from over seas... I want to have company with my misery! Have a constant National Deficit ticker going... I want the Brian Piccolo speech going on a loop nonstop... fuck clubs seeing those tweekers on the dance floor actually depresses me more than all of the things labeled above...

Another thing that pissed me off and ruined a good portion of my week is a pay for play show at our station called Computer Talk... These 3 nerds can eat cum... here are their "Radio names" and mind you I hate my name as well... We have "Mac-Daddy" "PC-Doctor" and just to completely ruin the bit "Shawn O" ... seriously ... It's all or nothing fag... Anyway these fucks come in and do what I hate... Line up out of place cartoon drops from "The Simpson's" and "south park" that have nothing to do with the conversation or humor... there is no one on your show named Kenny SO "you killed Kenny" makes no sense and hasn't made a person laugh in 10 years... I am not slamming south park it's a brilliant show but I guarantee the creators would cringe at the liberal use of there shit on bad radio shows... Shawn-o leads the charge of suck every weekend on computer talk... he sits on his fat ass points his finger to each person when its there turn to talk on the script... yes they have a script... and after he is done he pats himself on his 300 pound back for his "service" in the national guard or some shit 8 years ago... he is a fucking embarrassment and a roadside bomb would not be a waste on him...

OK ... that's enough... more laters
Dubs
again 32" is the current count

Wrong Side of the bed... Right side of the stick

2008-04-12T10:31:00.000-07:00

Monday - Good... Well it was a day of rest and prep... prep for a big week... Here is what we have going on in Tampa... We have 4 new local shows starting which means everything on the stations be re-imaged and replaced... quite an overhaul for such a small team to handle so I know this will be tough... but to day was good... 1" away 36" in all

Tuesday - Good... We got a decent jump on things and I took a project car on a test drive... runs good.. body in rough shape... I would say she is a full sized truck... more of that on the air... 1" away 37" in all

Wednesday - Bad... OK this is the reason for this weeks title... Tip to everyone who sleeps with the TV on. Do not leave the TV on Comedy Central and here is the reason... there is a strong chance that you could wake up to a movie like Wagons East... I woke up with over an hour left in this "movie" and for some reason I just let it roll and watched the entire piece of shit... That set the tone for the whole day... We fell way behind in the imaging department because we weren't able to get everything needed in a timely order... Tomorrow is going to BLOW ... 1" closer 36" in all

Thursday - Bad... I was right... Today sucked red dog cock... BUT we did get everything done! I am dead ass tired. Still it shouldn't of been that hard. ... 1" closer 35" in all

Friday - Good... Here is why the last 2 days sucked... We rolled out the carpet for 2 of the new shows... It went over really well, everyone at the station was very pleased... To top is off Jefe and I went for a beer after work and some patron gave compliments on what direction the station is going in... It looks like the moves are already paying off... 1" away 36" in all

Up State

2008-04-06T17:58:00.000-07:00

This week was over-all a winner but don't be sad there is plenty to bitch about at the same time... The first half of the week was uneventful so I will group those together...
Sunday through Wednesday Not good Not bad I am gonna call it a wash... The good part of it was that I am started living like a human being with a 9 to 5 and I was getting a lot done professionally and personally ... up till Wednesday I give it 2 for 2 and we are holding steady at 34"

Thursday - Good... I have come to a realization today... Instead of aiming high in my love life I am aiming low... I have come up with a strategy to find what I call a project car. A lot of our fathers growing up had that old rusty beater that they would talk about fixing up and driving it on the weekends. Well I am applying that to my love life. I am looking for a fat low value girl with a lot of potential that I can get into the gym and get some sweat equity out of. Sure I may be embarrassed with that rusty beater at first but when I am done with her I will have something that I am proud to ride. Good = 1 away 35"

Friday - Good... I had a great day at work and I actually lined up about 3 project cars to test drive in the near future. 1 away 36"

Saturday - Bad... Well sticking with the project car theme of the week. The one I was suppose to test drive tonight (an El Camino with a lot of body damage but a solid frame and huge potential) canceled on me... seriously??? What the Fuck??? 1 closer 35"

Sunny Side Up!

2008-03-29T09:13:00.000-07:00

A hot and sticky week here in Tampa. Some good ... Some bad ... Let's run it down the Bullet and the beginning of the week is at 35"

Monday = Good - I woke up and went to work... Some fucking cunt cut me off on the express way and in my mind I was thinking "here we go with the start of a bad day" but to my surprise I came out of the situation on top... I locked up on my breaks and in my blind rage I pulled up next to her and screamed a long list of expletives... Visibly shaken she pulled off to the side of the highway and I hope cried a little... that made me feel good... The day flew by and I got to bed at a reasonable time. 1 inch away = 36"

Tuesday = Bad - After a full night sleep I stretch my arms while in bed and to my surprise one of the many animals that are in the house puked on my bed... I wanted to murder what ever beast left its dinner by my6 head. It's gonna be a long day... I have 8 hours at the station then I have to go sell food to the ghetto... In high school I was much more racist than I am now and returning to the food service industry reminds me why... People really are that dumb and a lot of them are predictable because of their class and even at times race... ANYWHO Its been a long day that has been a pile of shit BUT CK over at JFK called and asked if we wanted to fill in for Rome tomorrow... That is the one and only highlight of the day... not enough to overcome my misery... one inch closer = 35"

Wednesday = Good - A long day but a good one... I start at the radio station the we do the show at JFK then go to the food job... A.M. radio flew by... JFK show rocked ... and no one wanted to order food... everything is happy and sunny... OH and the JFK show went so well they asked us to fill in for the rest of the week! 1 inch away = 36"

Thursday = Bad - I am tired and if I get bothered one more time by this new fucker at the AM station I will gut him like a deer... I do a lot of production for this station and I am always willing to offer a helping hand to the numerous shows that take place on this station... This new guy wants me to pull bumper music... OK fine, no problem... he gives me a list of 50 songs... uhg ok... I can do that... but what drove me up a wall was him calling me every 5 minutes to tell me another song he needs... I wanna stab him... I am not kidding... 1 inch closer = 35"

Friday = Bad - That fucking cock sucker called again ... really why do you need the entourage theme????? Is it that important? your show doesn't start for 2 weeks and that's your biggest worry? Fuck you! Ok other than that I am doing a triple today from 10 am to 2 am ... son of a bitch... 1 inch closer = 34"

Dubs

correction

2008-03-25T21:44:00.000-07:00

on sunday the math didnt add up... i am actually at 35"... look for an update later today

Easter Weekend

2008-03-24T18:37:00.000-07:00

I woke up Saturday to continue my over worked weekend and started it off by walking my dog... During that walk I started throwing up uncontrollably (On the good side that got me off of work early). After work El Jefe and I went to go get food and while doing that El Jefe pointed out a guy that looked like a Fat Tony Romo... When I looked at him I started laughing and he saw me clearly laughing in his face and oddly enough his shame made very happy. To top it off he was so visibly mad 15 min later he was still fuming and staring me down which also led me to laugh in his face again (listen to this past weekends hideout for the full story)... That night we went to the studio and had a great show in which I attribute full credit to Fat Romo... I consider Saturday to be a good day 1" away from the gun... Back to 36" in all

Easter Sunday! Sucked Cock! I worked at the restaurant all day and dealt with ghetto customers... One of the cunts that called me to order food got all over my ass for no reason, so I responed (and this is a word for word quote) "Jesus Christ! I am working on Easter and now I have to deal with a stupid bitch like you"... I normally would never say that but just a few days earlier I put my 2 weeks notice in... But what is the worst they could do is fire me? I am fine with that... So she called my boss and I had to give her food for free... Cunt... Day sucked, move to bullet closer... 1" closer... 37" in all

A little late

2008-03-21T07:52:00.000-07:00

Ok this is my first post on the yard stick of death so let my rundown this previous week.

Monday... Good - I got word that I would soon be able to quit my food service job and could start working at a radio station behind the scenes full time. That in its self takes the bullet one inch further from the hand gun = 37"

Tuesday... Bad - Everything was on hold at the radio station and and then I went to the food service job... 13 hours of work and i hated 10 of them. 1 inch closer = 36"

Wednesday... Good - Paper work went through and its written in stone. I called my other boss and gave my notice... 1 inch away = 37

Thursday... Bad - I will keep it short... got up for work at 3:45, couldn't sleep at night, and lost was disappointing... I hate Walt and Mike and not because they are black. 1 inch closer = 36"

Friday... Bad - I barely got any sleep and this will be my longest day of the week. I woke up at 4:15 and for this shift that is sleeping in. my shift at the radio station is 5 am to 6pm and then I will sling around food from 7 pm till 2 am. This in itself makes it a fucking bad day. 1 inch closer = 35"

This week at a glance - If you were to ask me I would tell you it was a good week but by the numbers it was a bad week... I can't win... fuck it see ya Saturday at 6 on 106.7 WJFK

Dubs

What is Yardstick of Death?

2008-02-26T19:43:00.000-08:00

Yardstick of Death is a new religion that was started up by radio talk show host, El Jefe of The Hideout. Right now the only follower is another radio talk show host, J-Dubs of The Hideout. The tools you need to be a YODer (Yardstick of Death Follower) are two Yardsticks, a single bullet, a gun, and a head. Once you get those you then set them up. Then once you start there are two possibilities of what will happen: You shoot yourself in the head or you make positive changes in your life without killing yourself.

The Setup of Yardstick of Death:

First find a place to set up your two yardsticks that is out of reach for young children and that is 72 inches long. Once you find a good spot, lay the two yardsticks end to end long ways. Then place your bullet right in the middle of the two yardsticks. Finally place your gun at the end of one of the two yardsticks.

The Rules of Yardstick of Death:

1. You start with the bullet in the middle of the two yardsticks.

2. If you have a bad day you move the bullet one inch towards the gun.

3. If you have a good day you move the bullet one inch away from the gun.

4. If you have enough bad days to reach the gun, it is time to shoot yourself in the head.

5. If you reach the end opposite of the gun, then you are done and don’t have to shoot yourself in the head, and hopefully your life is much better than before you started.

6. If it has been one calendar year since you started and you are not dead and you haven’t reached the end opposite of the gun, then you can stop.