Ok 10 days 5 and 5 even Steven... But, The bad was really bad.
The reason for the title in this entry is a recent story from my roommate... It was a Wednesday night and I cooked some food for dinner... Nothin fancy but cooking none the less. I ate and cleaned up... after my clean up my roommate came home and we chatted for a little bit while she was putting groceries away. The next day at 5:45 pm (while i was getting ready to do my sports show) my roommate called me ... and she was pissed. She said while i cooked the night before I had knocked a shot glass a friend bought for her on to the ground and broke it into pieces... NOW, I don't remember breaking it... and further more I think that we would of noticed that I broke it while were in the kitchen that night... not 18 hours later. On top of that, We put waaaaaaaay too much value on to things because someone bought it for us... Things are things and people are people. Take your heirlooms and stick em up your cock hole... wearing a bad sweater that your grandma bought you to be polite is fine... being emotional if that piece of shit sweater gets snagged and ruined is dumb.
Orlando Sucks
I took a weekend to go to Orlando and pick up a couch... Jefe was kind enough to give a couch that is in a spare home there... The issue happened when I showed up there and the key didn't work in the deadlock... I don't blame him ... He was kind enough to offer the couch and he wasn't aware of any lock issues... What made the trip suck cock is that mine didn't get sucked... Orlando is a hot sticky mess and I usually can off set that with getting my balls licked... That didn't happen... fuck Orlando
Mock Murder
If I could trick a girl into thinking I am a serial killer I would... Let me rephrase... If I could trick a girl into thinking I am a serial killer, with out ending up in jail, I would... I think it would be a hoot... kinda like candid camera. OK, let me run down my dream scenario ... I would like to get a chick to really want to sleep with me... Tell her how hot it would be if I could tie her up or use cuffs on her... get her all set and then have a friend pop out of the closet... Now we will get into the dialog of the situation.
Cast:
Guy 1 = Me
Guy 2 = My friend
Yappy Bitch = Yappy Bitch (who thinks she is getting murdered)
Guy 1 - The cuffs aren't too tight are they?
Yappy Bitch - No they are fine... This is so hot I can't wait
Guy 1 - Me either... ok she is secured you can come out.
Yappy Bitch - What? Who are you talking to?
Guy 2 walks out of the closet with plastic tarp and a roll of duct tape
Yappy Bitch - Who are you? whats going on here!?!
Guy 1 - Shut your fucking face, we have business to talk about!
Guy 2 starts duct taping tarp up on the walls and windows, much like what is suggested in case of nuclear fall out
Guy 1 - Ok how do you want to do this?
Guy 2 - I wanna chop her foot off and bore out a hole with a drill and fuck her stump
Guy 1 - Not again... lets be original this time
Yappy Bitch - Oh please let me go... I won't tell anyone I swear... Do you want money? My parents are very rich... The will give you any...
Yappy bitch goes silent from a old gray sock being stuffed into her mouth by guy 1
Guy 1 - Are you fucking serious... That is the most hacky plea to live I have ever heard... Ok where were we
Guy 2 - I was telling you I wanted to fuck her stump...
Guy 1 - Why? Lets take a spade shovel to her back and fuck that hole
Guy 2 - Seems a little messy
Guy 1 - More messy than her ankle stump?
Guy 2 - Yea
Guy 1 - ok good point
Guy 2 starts drawing blue cut lines all over yappy bitches body
Guy 1 starts up the hand held carving knife
Guy 2 takes the sock out her mouth
Yappy Bitch starts screaming
Guy 1 and 2 start screaming in a mocking tone at yappy bitch
Guy 1 - Syke... har har we were joshing with ya...
Everyone one has a good laugh and goes to play mini golf
36" in all
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Where do I start....
Its actually been pretty good lately...
12 days... 8 good and 4 bad... so 36" over all
No Cable...
I am completely moved in to my new apartment... Bigger room, more time to myself, and not bad eye candy 1 door down... The one bad thing is no cable... fuck... I have been reduced to watching "Tales From the Crypt" online ... I have fond memories of that show and my memory is where it should of stayed... with an exception to a few episodes that are brilliant (including the pilot) that show sucked a Shaq sized cock... The acting is the only horrifying part of that show, the effects look like an abortion, and that fucking crypt keeper's jokes annoy the piss out of me... I imagine that they crypt keeper is all that is left of Tom Hanks' character in Philadelphia ... Fuck the crypt
Wearing headphones while jacking off...
I hooked up my computer, got the lube out, and punched up my favorite site... Then realized I don't have computer speakers.... Shit.... So i dug up my over sized radio headphones and slapped them on... so there I sit cock in hand and headphones on my ears that are the size of my fists... I looked like a Mongoloid
Those are really the 2 bads the rest was pretty good...
12 days... 8 good and 4 bad... so 36" over all
No Cable...
I am completely moved in to my new apartment... Bigger room, more time to myself, and not bad eye candy 1 door down... The one bad thing is no cable... fuck... I have been reduced to watching "Tales From the Crypt" online ... I have fond memories of that show and my memory is where it should of stayed... with an exception to a few episodes that are brilliant (including the pilot) that show sucked a Shaq sized cock... The acting is the only horrifying part of that show, the effects look like an abortion, and that fucking crypt keeper's jokes annoy the piss out of me... I imagine that they crypt keeper is all that is left of Tom Hanks' character in Philadelphia ... Fuck the crypt
Wearing headphones while jacking off...
I hooked up my computer, got the lube out, and punched up my favorite site... Then realized I don't have computer speakers.... Shit.... So i dug up my over sized radio headphones and slapped them on... so there I sit cock in hand and headphones on my ears that are the size of my fists... I looked like a Mongoloid
Those are really the 2 bads the rest was pretty good...
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
First Time, Long Time
OK OK OK! I haven't kept my end of the bargain and kept a continuously updated blog on the yardstick of death. So here I go...
When we last visited our hero he was at 34" away from the gun... 20 days have passed... 13 bad 7 good... 28" in all and here is how we got there!
*** Moving... I have been asked to move by Jefe... No time limit, No pressure... but per usual I have to put the pressure on myself... I have been frantically looking and let me give you some of the responses I got from roommates I talked to.
This was from a couple who owned a house near my work -
We are a commited couple of 6yrs, Im 37 the other is 47 we both work full time and have a small west highland terrior puppy. We are to summerize us Bears. We are looking for a clean responsable working guy. The room is small it will need a full size bed as a queen is to large. If you are still interested let me know. Jon
Wow that was tempting... 2 bears... I am sure the noises out of that room would be rivaled only by burning a baby with a butane lighter
This is from a share house near where I live now
being its 330am i figured i shouldn't call but i needed to tell you that our roommate has religious restrictions pertaining to dogs inside the house. you are still more than welcome to come check out the place but an inside dog is out of the question for him, therefore, for us as a household. I appologize for the inconvenience and let me know if you still want to check it/us out.Matt
Seriously???? What religion stops people from having dogs in the house... I think this guy is using god as an excuse to curb his true desire to throat fuck a German Shepard
I think I may have found a place I will expand on that in my next post.
***When you get paid on the 15th of every month and the 15th falls on a Sunday, When should you get your check? Most people would think Friday... but ooooooooooooohhhh no not here! Friday the 13th I look at my bank account and see the balance 20 cents ... that's correct! .2... 2 dimes... 4 nickles... and I go to collect my check and I am told "No we get paid Monday" ... FUCK ... I spent the weekend scraping money off of the floor of my truck... I have severe addiction to caffeine and me not being able to spend 5 bucks on a drink angers me... My weekend sucked a cock... I would of actually done that for a tall monster.
***I got laid! I usually don't write about good stuff but go fuck yourself. It hasn't happened often lately and I think I know why... I am an emotionally disconnected boob... I awkwardly ram my hand down a chicks pants... I have feel my long finger nails creating irreversible damage to her hole... But I rarely care and continue from there to pull my cock out and say "Dig in"... after about 20 min I am back on the road proudly driving back to loneliness.
I shall return!
Dubs
When we last visited our hero he was at 34" away from the gun... 20 days have passed... 13 bad 7 good... 28" in all and here is how we got there!
*** Moving... I have been asked to move by Jefe... No time limit, No pressure... but per usual I have to put the pressure on myself... I have been frantically looking and let me give you some of the responses I got from roommates I talked to.
This was from a couple who owned a house near my work -
We are a commited couple of 6yrs, Im 37 the other is 47 we both work full time and have a small west highland terrior puppy. We are to summerize us Bears. We are looking for a clean responsable working guy. The room is small it will need a full size bed as a queen is to large. If you are still interested let me know. Jon
Wow that was tempting... 2 bears... I am sure the noises out of that room would be rivaled only by burning a baby with a butane lighter
This is from a share house near where I live now
being its 330am i figured i shouldn't call but i needed to tell you that our roommate has religious restrictions pertaining to dogs inside the house. you are still more than welcome to come check out the place but an inside dog is out of the question for him, therefore, for us as a household. I appologize for the inconvenience and let me know if you still want to check it/us out.Matt
Seriously???? What religion stops people from having dogs in the house... I think this guy is using god as an excuse to curb his true desire to throat fuck a German Shepard
I think I may have found a place I will expand on that in my next post.
***When you get paid on the 15th of every month and the 15th falls on a Sunday, When should you get your check? Most people would think Friday... but ooooooooooooohhhh no not here! Friday the 13th I look at my bank account and see the balance 20 cents ... that's correct! .2... 2 dimes... 4 nickles... and I go to collect my check and I am told "No we get paid Monday" ... FUCK ... I spent the weekend scraping money off of the floor of my truck... I have severe addiction to caffeine and me not being able to spend 5 bucks on a drink angers me... My weekend sucked a cock... I would of actually done that for a tall monster.
***I got laid! I usually don't write about good stuff but go fuck yourself. It hasn't happened often lately and I think I know why... I am an emotionally disconnected boob... I awkwardly ram my hand down a chicks pants... I have feel my long finger nails creating irreversible damage to her hole... But I rarely care and continue from there to pull my cock out and say "Dig in"... after about 20 min I am back on the road proudly driving back to loneliness.
I shall return!
Dubs
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
It's a game of inches
here is your 12 day up date...
7 good
5 bad
sorry everyone that's a net gain of 2 inches.... that puts me at 34" in all
Again I know that you don't want to hear the good so I will give you the bad...
Celeb Rag magazines...
I will start with this, I can not stand US, OK, and other celebrity rag magazine... I think they call them rag magazines because the only people who like them are bleeding twats... That being said I will never date a chick (no matter how hot) if they call that news... I was at the store the other day and this cute teller was reading it and kept blabbering with her friend about the latest rumors... I grew more and more angry as she kept ignoring me and my purchases to jibber jabber with her equally as transparent friend... I held the anger of that corner store for days and threw a penny in a well wishing for her extremist beheading... that was one low light of the week
Blockage....
I don't know if anyone wants to know this but I ran a batch and the completion hurt because my semen was thick and created a traffic jam... I can't even jack off correctly
Bullshit...
Lost on 5-1-08 was fucking bullshit... its one hour a week for 20 some weeks a year... a 100% set up episode when you have that little of time to entertain is horse shit... I watched the whole episode waiting for anything to happen... nothin... not a fuck minute of goodness... that being said the 5-8-08 episode was great.
Gay cat...
We are plagued by a closeted cat at the house... His name is Chuck and he wont come out of the closet.... This cat has so much gay rage and it unloads in short spurts of violence... he clawed the shit out of my 6 or 7 times this week because of his love for cat cock... Come out Chuck you will feel better and I will have less claw marks
I will update again soon
Dubs
7 good
5 bad
sorry everyone that's a net gain of 2 inches.... that puts me at 34" in all
Again I know that you don't want to hear the good so I will give you the bad...
Celeb Rag magazines...
I will start with this, I can not stand US, OK, and other celebrity rag magazine... I think they call them rag magazines because the only people who like them are bleeding twats... That being said I will never date a chick (no matter how hot) if they call that news... I was at the store the other day and this cute teller was reading it and kept blabbering with her friend about the latest rumors... I grew more and more angry as she kept ignoring me and my purchases to jibber jabber with her equally as transparent friend... I held the anger of that corner store for days and threw a penny in a well wishing for her extremist beheading... that was one low light of the week
Blockage....
I don't know if anyone wants to know this but I ran a batch and the completion hurt because my semen was thick and created a traffic jam... I can't even jack off correctly
Bullshit...
Lost on 5-1-08 was fucking bullshit... its one hour a week for 20 some weeks a year... a 100% set up episode when you have that little of time to entertain is horse shit... I watched the whole episode waiting for anything to happen... nothin... not a fuck minute of goodness... that being said the 5-8-08 episode was great.
Gay cat...
We are plagued by a closeted cat at the house... His name is Chuck and he wont come out of the closet.... This cat has so much gay rage and it unloads in short spurts of violence... he clawed the shit out of my 6 or 7 times this week because of his love for cat cock... Come out Chuck you will feel better and I will have less claw marks
I will update again soon
Dubs
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Lets do this damn thang
OK I have fallen behind... some good reasons some bad... I know you don't like the good so I will focus on the bad...
We have 10 days to do in this blog so we will break it down quick
10 days
3 good
7 bad
net total of -4 inches
4 steps closer equals 32"
OK here is the bad stuff
I was really fucking sick for a few days which just makes it tough to have a good day... especially when I do a job in which I have no one to cover for me... I was stuck in a small studio stripping off clothing then piling it back on because of my fever.... and even through my sickness I had to keep a promise to go to a co-workers birthday party... at a fucking club... 10 dollars to get in... I rather pay 10 to have a paper cut put on my pee hole... I HATE CLUBS... full of rapists and deserving prey... Why can't we have a bar that makes sense ... clubs try to make you happy... I am drinking so obviously I am not happy with myself... If I am drinking I want a bar as miserable as I am... We should open "Club Depression" a low lit pub that has nothing but pictures of the Holocaust and Video of caskets coming from over seas... I want to have company with my misery! Have a constant National Deficit ticker going... I want the Brian Piccolo speech going on a loop nonstop... fuck clubs seeing those tweekers on the dance floor actually depresses me more than all of the things labeled above...
Another thing that pissed me off and ruined a good portion of my week is a pay for play show at our station called Computer Talk... These 3 nerds can eat cum... here are their "Radio names" and mind you I hate my name as well... We have "Mac-Daddy" "PC-Doctor" and just to completely ruin the bit "Shawn O" ... seriously ... It's all or nothing fag... Anyway these fucks come in and do what I hate... Line up out of place cartoon drops from "The Simpson's" and "south park" that have nothing to do with the conversation or humor... there is no one on your show named Kenny SO "you killed Kenny" makes no sense and hasn't made a person laugh in 10 years... I am not slamming south park it's a brilliant show but I guarantee the creators would cringe at the liberal use of there shit on bad radio shows... Shawn-o leads the charge of suck every weekend on computer talk... he sits on his fat ass points his finger to each person when its there turn to talk on the script... yes they have a script... and after he is done he pats himself on his 300 pound back for his "service" in the national guard or some shit 8 years ago... he is a fucking embarrassment and a roadside bomb would not be a waste on him...
OK ... that's enough... more laters
Dubs
again 32" is the current count
We have 10 days to do in this blog so we will break it down quick
10 days
3 good
7 bad
net total of -4 inches
4 steps closer equals 32"
OK here is the bad stuff
I was really fucking sick for a few days which just makes it tough to have a good day... especially when I do a job in which I have no one to cover for me... I was stuck in a small studio stripping off clothing then piling it back on because of my fever.... and even through my sickness I had to keep a promise to go to a co-workers birthday party... at a fucking club... 10 dollars to get in... I rather pay 10 to have a paper cut put on my pee hole... I HATE CLUBS... full of rapists and deserving prey... Why can't we have a bar that makes sense ... clubs try to make you happy... I am drinking so obviously I am not happy with myself... If I am drinking I want a bar as miserable as I am... We should open "Club Depression" a low lit pub that has nothing but pictures of the Holocaust and Video of caskets coming from over seas... I want to have company with my misery! Have a constant National Deficit ticker going... I want the Brian Piccolo speech going on a loop nonstop... fuck clubs seeing those tweekers on the dance floor actually depresses me more than all of the things labeled above...
Another thing that pissed me off and ruined a good portion of my week is a pay for play show at our station called Computer Talk... These 3 nerds can eat cum... here are their "Radio names" and mind you I hate my name as well... We have "Mac-Daddy" "PC-Doctor" and just to completely ruin the bit "Shawn O" ... seriously ... It's all or nothing fag... Anyway these fucks come in and do what I hate... Line up out of place cartoon drops from "The Simpson's" and "south park" that have nothing to do with the conversation or humor... there is no one on your show named Kenny SO "you killed Kenny" makes no sense and hasn't made a person laugh in 10 years... I am not slamming south park it's a brilliant show but I guarantee the creators would cringe at the liberal use of there shit on bad radio shows... Shawn-o leads the charge of suck every weekend on computer talk... he sits on his fat ass points his finger to each person when its there turn to talk on the script... yes they have a script... and after he is done he pats himself on his 300 pound back for his "service" in the national guard or some shit 8 years ago... he is a fucking embarrassment and a roadside bomb would not be a waste on him...
OK ... that's enough... more laters
Dubs
again 32" is the current count
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Wrong Side of the bed... Right side of the stick
Monday - Good... Well it was a day of rest and prep... prep for a big week... Here is what we have going on in Tampa... We have 4 new local shows starting which means everything on the stations be re-imaged and replaced... quite an overhaul for such a small team to handle so I know this will be tough... but to day was good... 1" away 36" in all
Tuesday - Good... We got a decent jump on things and I took a project car on a test drive... runs good.. body in rough shape... I would say she is a full sized truck... more of that on the air... 1" away 37" in all
Wednesday - Bad... OK this is the reason for this weeks title... Tip to everyone who sleeps with the TV on. Do not leave the TV on Comedy Central and here is the reason... there is a strong chance that you could wake up to a movie like Wagons East... I woke up with over an hour left in this "movie" and for some reason I just let it roll and watched the entire piece of shit... That set the tone for the whole day... We fell way behind in the imaging department because we weren't able to get everything needed in a timely order... Tomorrow is going to BLOW ... 1" closer 36" in all
Thursday - Bad... I was right... Today sucked red dog cock... BUT we did get everything done! I am dead ass tired. Still it shouldn't of been that hard. ... 1" closer 35" in all
Friday - Good... Here is why the last 2 days sucked... We rolled out the carpet for 2 of the new shows... It went over really well, everyone at the station was very pleased... To top is off Jefe and I went for a beer after work and some patron gave compliments on what direction the station is going in... It looks like the moves are already paying off... 1" away 36" in all
Tuesday - Good... We got a decent jump on things and I took a project car on a test drive... runs good.. body in rough shape... I would say she is a full sized truck... more of that on the air... 1" away 37" in all
Wednesday - Bad... OK this is the reason for this weeks title... Tip to everyone who sleeps with the TV on. Do not leave the TV on Comedy Central and here is the reason... there is a strong chance that you could wake up to a movie like Wagons East... I woke up with over an hour left in this "movie" and for some reason I just let it roll and watched the entire piece of shit... That set the tone for the whole day... We fell way behind in the imaging department because we weren't able to get everything needed in a timely order... Tomorrow is going to BLOW ... 1" closer 36" in all
Thursday - Bad... I was right... Today sucked red dog cock... BUT we did get everything done! I am dead ass tired. Still it shouldn't of been that hard. ... 1" closer 35" in all
Friday - Good... Here is why the last 2 days sucked... We rolled out the carpet for 2 of the new shows... It went over really well, everyone at the station was very pleased... To top is off Jefe and I went for a beer after work and some patron gave compliments on what direction the station is going in... It looks like the moves are already paying off... 1" away 36" in all
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Up State
This week was over-all a winner but don't be sad there is plenty to bitch about at the same time... The first half of the week was uneventful so I will group those together...
Sunday through Wednesday Not good Not bad I am gonna call it a wash... The good part of it was that I am started living like a human being with a 9 to 5 and I was getting a lot done professionally and personally ... up till Wednesday I give it 2 for 2 and we are holding steady at 34"
Thursday - Good... I have come to a realization today... Instead of aiming high in my love life I am aiming low... I have come up with a strategy to find what I call a project car. A lot of our fathers growing up had that old rusty beater that they would talk about fixing up and driving it on the weekends. Well I am applying that to my love life. I am looking for a fat low value girl with a lot of potential that I can get into the gym and get some sweat equity out of. Sure I may be embarrassed with that rusty beater at first but when I am done with her I will have something that I am proud to ride. Good = 1 away 35"
Friday - Good... I had a great day at work and I actually lined up about 3 project cars to test drive in the near future. 1 away 36"
Saturday - Bad... Well sticking with the project car theme of the week. The one I was suppose to test drive tonight (an El Camino with a lot of body damage but a solid frame and huge potential) canceled on me... seriously??? What the Fuck??? 1 closer 35"
Sunday through Wednesday Not good Not bad I am gonna call it a wash... The good part of it was that I am started living like a human being with a 9 to 5 and I was getting a lot done professionally and personally ... up till Wednesday I give it 2 for 2 and we are holding steady at 34"
Thursday - Good... I have come to a realization today... Instead of aiming high in my love life I am aiming low... I have come up with a strategy to find what I call a project car. A lot of our fathers growing up had that old rusty beater that they would talk about fixing up and driving it on the weekends. Well I am applying that to my love life. I am looking for a fat low value girl with a lot of potential that I can get into the gym and get some sweat equity out of. Sure I may be embarrassed with that rusty beater at first but when I am done with her I will have something that I am proud to ride. Good = 1 away 35"
Friday - Good... I had a great day at work and I actually lined up about 3 project cars to test drive in the near future. 1 away 36"
Saturday - Bad... Well sticking with the project car theme of the week. The one I was suppose to test drive tonight (an El Camino with a lot of body damage but a solid frame and huge potential) canceled on me... seriously??? What the Fuck??? 1 closer 35"
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